I love Fitty & Fatty | Fitty and Fatty Ep.8 – Beating Stress and Surviving Halloween, let’s play it!
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Tag: Stress
Sober October!
So long Scroll Free September, make way for Sober October! I have been looking for a playful euphemism or a colourful metaphor to dress this up, but the truth of it is, for the last while I have been drinking too much. Not in the “drinking problem” sense but simply in the “this is not good for my overall health” sense. My husband and I have been planning to take a break from alcohol for ages now, but there was always some reason (read excuse) why it wasn’t a good time. There was always a wedding, holiday or other occasion on the horizon, which made the idea of going tee total a daunting prospect. We now find ourselves at the closing of the year. Christmas is fast approaching and party season will be here before we know it, so it was pretty much now or never.
Those of you who are regular readers will know that 2018 has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. Between my full time job, of which I have had three, and my side projects, I can end up feeling like I am working all the time. There have been a lot of changes and often by the time the weekend comes along, I am too exhausted to attempt anything more energetic than binge watching Netflix in my pjs with a glass of wine or a nice cold beer. Alcohol became a way to differentiate weekend nights from week nights! I wouldn’t describe myself as a binge drinker, I rarely, if ever get drunk. However, two or three drinks, a few nights a week quickly adds up to way more than the 11 unit safe drinking limit (17 for men.)
These habits crept in over the space of about a year. What had once been limited to Friday and Saturday started creeping into some of the other evenings too. I was definitely starting to feel the effect on my energy levels. It’s never as easy getting up in the morning after even a couple of drinks. As well as that, I am not getting any younger. I will be turning 37 next month and it’s time to stop taking my health completely for granted. I am well aware of the health risks associated with excessive alcohol consumption, especially for women, and I am not arrogant enough to think I should be lucky enough to escape them. From this week I will be teaching an extra Zumba class. This brings the total to 4 per week, and with the stress this will put on my body, I need to do all I can to mind it. Alcohol certainly will not help with that!
I am sure there will be lots of other benefits of having a dry month. I am looking forward to having more energy and to waking up refreshed on the weekends. I am also looking forward to having a little more money in my purse. But mostly I am looking forward to the challenge. I am sure the first weekend will be difficult. We Irish are notorious for having our social lives revolving almost entirely around a pint! Like many Irish families, ours has not escaped the effects alcoholism. I am acutely aware of this, and of its tendency towards heredity. This makes it even more important for me to get my drinking under control before it actually does become a problem! Who knows, it might become a permanent change.
As always, feel free to join me in my latest challenge. Wish me luck (and please send cinema recommendations) I will keep you posted on my progress. Be well xxx
In Praise of Uni-tasking!
Has this ever happened to you? You go to unload the washing machine, only to discover that although you loaded it and put in the powder, you neglected to actually switch it on? It happens to me with frightening regularity and always when I have an overflowing hamper and can ill afford the time to wash clothes, I thought had already been washed! Unfortunately this isn’t limited to the washing machine. I routinely leave tasks half done, because I had become distracted by some other, seemingly more pressing thing.
I went to a Catholic Secondary School. Not because my family are particularly religious, but because there was little choice in Ireland in the nineties! I remember having a religion teacher who was a nun. Her mantra, which she recited daily, was “you can’t do two things at once.” She would go on to say that you can of course try to multitask but that everything will suffer. In essence you can’t do anything properly unless you give it your undivided attention. I spent 5 years in that school and remarkably, that lesson is one of only a handful of things which has stuck with me.
Of course, at the time I gave her wisdom little merit. I was a typical teenager who assumed I knew better. I did not credit this woman, who must have been in her seventies, with any life experience, and so twenty years later I am learning her lesson the hard way.
We live our 21st centuries lives at a breakneck pace. We boast about how busy we are, how little spare time we have and how frazzled we feel. We read books like “The 4 Hour Workweek” in an attempt to boost our productivity. We are always striving to be able to fit even more in. Lately I am beginning to ask myself is there a trade off between quantity and quality. Is multitasking a myth? Are we fooling ourselves into thinking we are achieving more, when in reality we are leaving a trail of half finished jobs in our wake, which will come back to bite us in the ass before long?
There are some things which I won’t even attempt to try to do simultaneously. I cannot have two conversations at once (so if I am on the phone and you try to talk to me, don’t expect a polite reply!) I also can’t text and talk. Past attempts at this have resulted in my typing what I am saying or vice versa, neither of which ends well! Similarly if I am driving and need to concentrate, I have to turn the radio down. Whatever way my brain is wired, auditory stimulation overrides anything else. Happily as we get older, we usually learn to recognise these limitations in ourselves and work around them.
Those of you who follow me on social media will know that I have been getting into meditation lately. It started off as a challenge. I wanted to see if I could commit to daily meditation for 100 days. (As I write this I have clocked up 74) However, as the days tick by, I am noticing just how much it is helping me. I fully intend to make it a part of my daily life, for the foreseeable future. As well as helping me to combat the stresses of modern existence, the meditation is helping me to understand the importance of being mindful in everything we do. Being fully engaged and present in our activities, not just going through the motions like deranged zombies.
When you start to take notice of it, you will be amazed at how many things you do on complete autopilot. For instance, have you ever driven somewhere and when you arrive at your destination you have little recollection of how you actually got there? I have, and it is scary as hell! Surely something as potentially perilous as driving should be given our undivided attention. But we don’t do it. We might be chatting to our passenger. Singing along to the radio. Doing a detailed postmortem of the meeting we had with our boss, or planning a future conversation (yes, I actually do that!) This is especially true on a familiar route. We don’t need to actively concentrate and so the mind wanders.
I am reading a book at the moment called Thrive and in it Arianna Huffington recommends taking one task each day that we do routinely, such as brushing your teeth or taking a shower and doing it mindfully. Actually pay attention to what you are doing, and be engaged. I tried this while brushing my teeth a couple of times this week and I am telling you it is so much harder than you think. I was thinking about pretty much everything apart from the task at hand. It’s a simple exercise, but it really opened my eyes to how much I am not present in my life. I am often times merely going through the motions. Is that what I truly want. To sort of half experience life. I don’t think so.
In an age where multitasking is prized and we are measured on our productivity, being mindful and doing one thing at a time is not the easy option. Added to this, we are surrounded by devices which constantly vie for our attention. We feel like we need to react to them instantly, no matter what else is going on. I am so guilty of this. Sometimes my husband will come home and I will be in the middle of a text chat, or scrolling through Facebook and when he comes in I will distractedly ask how his day was. Invariably, when I put the phone down a minute or two later, I will ask him the exact same question. It drives him insane and I don’t blame him.
It is not going to be easy to break the habit of a lifetime, but my attempts at multitasking have been so disastrous lately that I am going to try to stop myself from doing it. I am going to attempt to complete one task at a time. If and when I catch myself starting something when I am in the middle of something else, I will gently guide myself back to the task at hand. I am interested to see if this actually makes me more productive. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I wonder if in starting less tasks, I might actually finish more. I wonder if by uni-tasking and concentrating on what I am doing a little more, I might be able to get through it more quickly. As well as that, I am pretty sure it will help me to combat the feelings of overwhelm and burn out, which I often experience.
As I write this, I have been tempted to check my phone about 27 times. Which brings me on to my next challenge. Scroll Free September. That’s right. For the month of September, I will be logging off Facebook and Instagram (I don’t use Twitter because it confuses me too much.) My blog posts automatically upload to Facebook, so when you see that happening, don’t think I am cheating. I am not under any illusion that this is going to be easy. I am a social media junkie, but I think a digital detox will be good for my overall well-being. Oh dear, FOMO is setting in already! I will let you know how everything is going. Wish me luck and be well xxx
Just Say No!
I would consider myself to be a fairly articulate person. I have always loved language, and with my degree in English to help me, I don’t usually struggle to express myself. Except, in one particular situation. When it comes to saying no. It is such a simple and inoffensive word, yet it sticks in my throat somehow. So much so, that I will tie myself in knots looking for ways to turn the no into a yes, even if it means attempting the impossible.
There have been times when I have ended up being so hopelessly over committed, that I find myself thinking “please just let me get through this day.” “Just let me survive” “Just let me find the energy to do all the things I couldn’t say no to, and I promise not to take on so much next time!” I used to think this was because I was a chronic people pleaser. Afraid to say no. lest I should let anyone down. A while back, however, an aunt of mine challenged me on this. Her exact word were “I wouldn’t take you on!” It’s not often that you get to see yourself through the eyes of another, but this was one such moment of clarity. It began to dawn on me, that my fear of saying no is not about other people, in fact, it is all about me.
Firstly, I hate conflict. Not many people love it in fairness, but I absolutely cringe at the thought of it. I have this awful habit of trying to avoid it and invariably it ends up causing more awkwardness. You know how it is, you should call the person, but you chicken out and send an email, and then they don’t respond so you end up having to call anyway and now you have made things even worse! Yeah, I do that stuff all the time!
Secondly, I don’t like accepting my limitations and I certainly don’t relish having to admit them. Vocalising the fact that I simply don’t have time to take on anything else is tantamount to admitting defeat. Why can’t I squeeze one more thing in? Why wouldn’t I want to explore the next challenge? In a society where we seem to score points based on how tired and over extended we are, just saying no seems like you are not willing to play the game.
One of the great things about having good friends, is that they are willing to call you on your shit. Even when (and especially when) you don’t want to hear it. I was chatting to a friend of mine recently, and I was full of excitement about starting the new job. He warned me to be prepared for it to be more demanding and to take more out of me than I anticipated and to plan accordingly. I joked that perhaps I should delay my plan to learn Urdu, but in truth he hit the nail on the head. No sooner had I accepted the job, than I was looking up gyms in the area and wondering if I could squeeze a Pilates class into my lunch break. This is classic Arwen, why walk when you can run while stumbling blindly!
Another example of me being crazy happened a few weeks ago. I got a message from a school wanting me to teach a Zumba class for them, in September, as part of their adult education program. I didn’t want to take it on. Not that I don’t love teaching Zumba, because you know I do. However, I am already teaching 3 classes a week. I am still pretty new to teaching, so learning the choreography and practicing takes up a lot of my time. There were plenty of other reasons why I didn’t want to do it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say no. The weird thing was, this girl had sent a text to ask about the class, I don’t know her and am unlikely to ever meet her. All I needed to do was reply and say unfortunately I am not available, but I am not kidding when I say it took me days to build up to it. I even thought, briefly, about saying yes and then trying to get out of it closer to the time. Absolutely lunacy! Eventually, I did reply to the lady, and told her I couldn’t do it. Amazingly, nothing bad happened. She was very sweet about it, in fact.
The one good thing about getting older I find, is that you learn to recognise when you are being nutty and even laugh about it. The truth of the matter is unless I want to spend my whole life being over committed and stressed, I need to get a whole lot better at saying no. I don’t want to feel like I am surviving my days. I want to able to enjoy and appreciate each new experience and even allow myself some time to reflect on them, instead of being distracted by the next shiny thing.
Those of you who follow me on social media have probably seen me talking about Headspace. It is a guided meditation app that I have been dipping in and out of for a couple of years. I have set myself the challenge of meditating daily for 100 days, I am currently on day 9. Posting my progress towards this goal helps me to stay accountable. It only takes about 12 minutes, but there has been at least 3 occasions since I started when I have thought to myself “I don’t have time for this!” The irony of course being, these are exactly the days when I need it most. It has opened my eyes a lot to just how busy my mind can be. How difficult it often is to just let it settle and rest. This has really underlined how critical it is for me to resist the urge to fill every available portion of time with “stuff.”
Rudyard Kipling famously wrote “If you can fill the unforgiving minute, with 60 seconds worth of distance run, yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it” I am starting to believe that the most important distance to run is the space between yourself and your peace of mind. Be well xxx