work – Authentically Arwen

Vaxxed and Relaxed (Kinda!)

July 29, 2021 Authentically Arwen

Last Friday I received my second Pfizer vaccine. As I walked through the car park to take my place in the neatly spaced line, I experienced all kind of emotions. Relief, excitement, anxiety to name but a few. I could tell I wasn’t alone in this, as nervous tension seemed to pulsate through the assembled crowd. This was the moment we’d all been waiting for, after all!

The vaccination itself, much like the first one, couldn’t have gone better. The staff and volunteers were all competent and caring, and I was struck by the overall slickness of the operation. I have also been lucky to experience only mild and very manageable side effects. Nothing more than a few body aches to report.

Phil is having his second dose this week, and I will definitely feel relieved when that is done. He has been working from work the entire time and the risk that he could be exposed has been at the back of my mind. I can’t adequately express how grateful I am that we have both managed to get through the last 18 months without contracting Covid.

One of the strangest parts of the whole pandemic experience for me, has been the hypochondria. Since March 2020, every time I have woken up with a sore throat, coughed or had some unexplained ache, I have felt a tiny trill of panic. Thinking to myself, is this it? Have I got Covid? It doesn’t help that one of the virus’s main symptoms is fatigue. I think the stress and anxiety of living in a pandemic also has this affect!

I had been expecting that being fully vaccinated would make me feel bullet proof, but it hasn’t. I had expected that I would feel less apprehensive about the return to “normal.” Over the last few weeks, my job has been planning for our return to the office. This is going to be done in a phased way and with a hybrid approach, with most of us still working from home at least a couple of days a week. My company has really looked after us as best they can through all this and rationally I understand that we will be made as safe as possible. However, this doesn’t stop me from wanting to scream “I don’t want to go back” every time the topic comes up.

It’s not just the thought of sitting in an office that is making me uneasy, it’s all the accompanying activities too. I don’t relish the idea of sitting in traffic each day, and the thoughts of shopping for a new (roomier) work wardrobe makes me feel ill. I also don’t want to leave Annie home alone, when she has gotten so used to company.

I have always been someone who suffers from a degree of social anxiety. Over the years, I have managed to build up resilience to it, forcing myself to get on with it, until eventually it’s not a struggle. Like any other muscle which has been out of action for a year and a half, this resilience has atrophied. This coupled with all the new regulations and overall layout, has me feeling like I am not returning to the familiar. Rather, journeying into the unknown. It’s enough to make me break out into cold sweat.

Again, rationally, I know it will be just fine. A few days in, and once I have figured out which machine makes the best coffee, I will be as comfortable as ever. I dearly wish, like with everything Covid related, that we could just fast forward this part. I would love to just wake up and find myself on the other side of this. The first time I have a cold, and don’t associate it with Coronavirus, will be a happy, if miserable occassion.

I have been lucky in life so far, in that I have not had to endure much by way of grief or trauma. Any time that I have experienced grief, it has followed a similar pattern. All consuming, until it isn’t. The first and only thing on your mind, for what seems like forever. Until eventually, you find yourself realising that you haven’t thought about it for a minute, an hour, even a day. The grief doesn’t shrink, but your life expands around it.

Maybe our collective Covid trauma will be like grief. As we emerge from it, and hopefully that will be sooner rather that later, maybe it’s natural for the affects to linger. Only fading over time, as it takes up less of the discussion. It certainly seems like we will need distance and perspective to be able to move past what truly has been a traumatic time. We need to process.

Perhaps some time in the future, the memory will fade and we will look back on it as something which changed us. Something which made us value our relationships more, and the grind less. A time in our lives when we were forced to slow down and take stock. My sincere hope for us is that in our rush to get back to normal, we don’t miss the opportunity to evaluate how much of life before Covid we actually want back.

In the meantime, we still need to look after ourselves. Getting vaccinated is a great thing to do both for ourselves and for our communities, but it is not a suit of armour. We still need to wash our hands and keep our distance. If we have learned anything about Covid, it’s that it will exploit any vulnerability.

It is said that most car accidents happen with a mile of home. It’s easy to see how. The end of the journey is in sight and we are on familiar ground, so we let our guard down. We are now a mile from home with this pandemic. Let’s make sure we arrive alive!

Be well xxx

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Finding My Personal Legend

February 18, 2019February 18, 2019 Authentically Arwen

Write Right Now?

They say there’s a book inside everyone. What they don’t comment on, however, is whether the book is any good or not. Having spent the last number of years dabbling in blogging, with some degree of success, I decided to try writing fiction.

Short stories, I thought, would be a good place to begin. Then when I had enough of them written, I could publish them as a book. Super. There was only one problem. It turns out I am not terribly good at writing fiction.

I have made a couple of attempts, and so far the results have been fair to middling at best. It is reminding me of the time when I first wanted to try to get fit. I decided to try to attempt running. Assuming that it would come naturally. I had only made it about 50 meters, when I realised my folly. With little choice, I swallowed my shame and returned home and back to the drawing board.

Writing, is proving to track a similar course. I was so sure it would come easily to me. That in a matter of months I would be on the best sellers list! Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration, but you catch my drift.

Each story I have written as either been terribly generic or more auto-biographical than a short story should be. I am beginning to wonder if I lack imagination, or creativity, or both. Maybe it just isn’t for me?

Throughout the last few months, there has been no shortage of uncertainty in my life. Writing, I felt, was the one thing I could rely on. It was the one are in my life with plenty of scope. The possibilities were endless and there was no shortage of potential. Could I have been misguided?

The Hidden Legend

I have been listening to The Alchemist on audio book. It is read by Jeremy Irons and his dulcet tones are so incredibly soothing. The book itself is gorgeous. It is a real work of art. In it, Paulo Coelho, talks about your “personal legend.” He counsels that when you really want something, the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you. It is a wonderfully powerful message, but every time he repeats it, I want to scream “but what if I don’t know what I want?” “What if I never find my personal legend.”

Surely, at the age of 37. I should have some idea of what I want to be when I grow up? I have such envy for people I meet who have a clear purpose. Those among us who know precisely what path they should be on. Their personal legend might be leading them towards a certain career, a particular sporting ambition or even parenthood. The destination is not important. It is the sense of purpose that I crave.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to wake up every morning knowing what you would ultimately like to achieve. How liberating it must be not having to think about it. Not to spend sleepless nights worrying if you are doing it right.

Or could it be that this really is all there is? Perhaps my destiny is playing out exactly as it ought to. With a career in accountancy and a few entertaining, if ultimately fruitless, hobbies. Is it “normal” to experience such crises of purpose? Is it tied in to the onset of middle age?

The Next Thing Next…

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with the “next thing.” Always seeking out the next opportunity, the shiny new challenge. Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me to stop. To sit quietly. To be still. To allow the noise and the chaos to fall away, so that the answer might reveal itself.

It’s a strange dichotomy to be happy, yet unfulfilled. It is something I have had a hard time reconciling myself to. I have a good job, a loving husband, an amazing family and great friends. Financial security appears to be within touching distance. I have been blessed with good health and am privileged to have been born a white woman in a western country. How dare I want more? Who am I to seek my personal legend?

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has come up several times during the course of my academic career. I understand that is the self-actualisation need which remains unfulfilled. I am aware that this can only present itself in the absence of all other need and as such I am grateful for it. It is the very definition of a first world problem.

In The Achelmist, we meet a crystal merchant, who has an unfulfilled duty to make the pilgrimage to Mecca. Although he has the money and the opportunity to go, he does not. Understanding that should he tick that off his bucket list, he would have no reason to keep on living. Perhaps it is that same phenomenon that keeps so many of us from achieving our ultimate goals. (Those of us who are lucky enough to have identified them.) How do we stay motivated to get out of bed, when there is no next thing?

As for me, I am not quite ready to give up on the idea of writing. I am toying with the idea of taking a creative writing course, as soon as my schedule opens up a bit. Hopefully in the second half of the year. Until then, I will keep my eyes and my heart open. Watching for omens and waiting for the king to direct me towards my treasure. Be well xxx

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Something Old, Something New!

September 21, 2018September 21, 2018 Authentically Arwen

I have been tinkering with this blog for almost 3 years now. It has become a dear friend and trusted confidant. Over the years it has allowed me to express myself in ways I hadn’t known possible. A little while ago, I entered a blogging competition and honestly had zero expectations. I am shocked, amazed and humbled beyond belief to have made it to the final in the health and wellness category. Thank you to everyone who has visited the blog since it started. You guys are awesome.

I can’t help but remember back to when it was just an idea. I had thought about it for so long. Hmming and hawing, second guessing and procrastinating. I worried so much about how it would be received. What would people say? What would they think? I can’t speak to what they might be thinking, but as of yet I have not received any negative feedback. I was prepared for trolls, but they have remained under their bridges up till now anyway!

Recently, my sister and I started a Podcast. As always when I take on a new project, I was filled with trepidation and fear. Imagining every eventuality and doing a fair amount of catastrophizing. As I write this, we have two episodes aired. A new episode will drop every Monday. Naturally we have experienced some teething problems and are learning A LOT. The learning curve is a steep one, but not insurmountable. Astonishingly, nothing catastrophic has befallen us so far. I am usually a solo flier, and it has been so nice to have my sister on this adventure with me. My brother is producing the show for us, so it’s pretty much a family affair.

The Podcast is in a similar vein to the blog. We talk about health, fitness and lifestyle and try to get to the truth behind some of the myths. We also talk about food a lot, and anything else we stumble across. It is all done with the honesty you have come to expect from me. We are on all the major platforms. I would love you to check it out, Fitty and Fatty

That’s enough of the shameless self promotion.

What I really wanted to say in this post is that incredible things do happen. If you put yourself out there and take a chance. Opportunity does knock, but only if you leave the porch light on. If there’s something you have been wanting to do for ages, please go and do it. If it doesn’t work out, so what? If it does, who knows where it could take you! And if you end up being up for an award, please let me know. Be well xxx

PS. For anyone looking for an update on Scroll Free September. It has been going well. I am not struggling at all really. This blog automagically uploads to the Facebook page, so I promise I haven’t been cheating.

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Everybody Fails!

August 21, 2018 Authentically Arwen

Three months ago, I started a new job. I was full of excitement and eagerly anticipated the challenge. Last week, I handed in my notice. The role wasn’t what I expected it to be, and the practices were hitting off my triggers. For lots of other reasons, which are too dull to go in to, I decided it wasn’t for me. This was an impossibly difficult decision to make. I hate walking away from anything, especially when I don’t feel like I have given it a proper try. Even though I know it’s irrational, and though I am fairly sure I am doing the right thing, I still feel like I have failed.

In all honestly, the last 12 months or so have been pretty disastrous work wise. It started going down hill this time last year, when a promotion I was promised fell through. The promotion involved spending a lot of time in the UK, so getting mentally geared up for it had been tough. But once it was decided on, I was committed to giving it my all. When it didn’t work out, I felt completely heartbroken. It was as though the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. I knew that the change of plan was just that, a business decision which had nothing to do with me personally. Nor was it a reflection of my work or my ability. Still the experience left me destabilised and unsettled. A change was needed.

The thing was, I didn’t hate my job. In fact, I quite liked it. I had genuine affection for my colleagues, so I wasn’t going to take just any old job. It had to be the “right move.” After a fairly drawn out job hunt, I found a position which seemed to tick all the boxes. It was a step up, more money, not too much of a commute and in a growing company so there would be plenty to challenge me and hold my interest. Sounds perfect, right? I thought so. I was wrong.

So what? I tried something, it didn’t work out and I moved on. No big deal. I have a new job lined up and having been completely honest with them about the reasons this one hasn’t worked out, I am hopeful not to experience the same issues. This job is even closer to home. I will have the shortest travel time I have ever had, which in itself is a reason to be happy. The role has a lot going for it and I know I should be ecstatic. 99% of me is, in fact, delighted. But the other 1% is loud, obnoxious and impossible to ignore.

It keeps reminding me that I thought I was making the right move before and I was DEAD WRONG. It whispers to me that I FAILED. It prompts me to wonder if this career path is really for me. It waits in the dark to ask me “what if the problem isn’t them, what if it’s YOUR FAULT?” No amount of rational thinking, meditation or mindfulness can quieten these fears. The inconvenient truth is that the experiences of the last year have left me doubting my own instincts. I have spent so long not knowing what to do, that it has become the default. I can’t stop thinking, what if I start in the new job and it’s even worse? Is it a case of better the devil you know?

I recognise that uncertainty and anxiety are completely normal during times of change. I understand that even though they might not admit it, everyone experiences the same range of emotions. I also know that everybody fails. The reality is, if you have never failed, you haven’t tried hard enough. If you always stay within your comfort zone and never stretch yourself, you eliminate the risk of failure. But, you also eliminate the potential for growth.

So, once more into the breach I go. Come Monday I will be taking another step into the unknown. Scared as I am, I will try my hardest to walk in there with an open mind and an open heart. To do anything less is to cheat myself. It is the same when we start a new relationship, make a new friend, or start trying to lose weight for what feels like the 219th time. Letting go of past “failures” is the most important, and often most difficult, first step to take.

I cannot tell you how excited and nervous I am. Even as I write this, I am painfully aware of how flaky and changeable I must seem. I desperately want this to work out. I need to feel settled again. So much of my identity and self worth is tied up with my professional life. It is the corner piece of my jigsaw, without it being in place I find myself unable to work on anything else. Routine is vitally important to me and in its absence it I struggle to keep my fitness, nutrition or pretty much anything else on track. Wish me luck, and be well xxx

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Pain is Built To Last?

April 26, 2018April 26, 2018 Authentically Arwen

For the last few months, I have been having trouble sleeping. Not insomnia as such, just difficulty drifting off. I have been putting it down to having a lot on my mind, and too little down time. On the nights when I teach, I am always pumped full of adrenaline and can have a hard time coming down. It isn’t a huge problem, but for someone who loves their sleep as much as I do, it can prove hugely frustrating.

While my husband was away, I was convinced I would have the best sleep ever, but sadly that wasn’t the case. I tried my side of the bed, his side of the bed. Inside the covers, outside the covers. I practiced breathing techniques and meditation. Nothing worked. Lying alone, in the dark, replaying every bad decision and awkward conversation of my life, I became aware that the position I was lying in wasn’t just uncomfortable, it was actually painful. It struck me as odd that I was so in my head, I had failed to even notice what was going on with my body. Since then, there have been several other occasions when I have noticed the same thing. Whether it be sitting in work, or standing funny and generally being oblivious to the signals my body is giving to me.

It made me start to wonder just how often we put up with discomfort or even pain? How many times have you ignored that niggling tooth? Are you guilty of down playing injuries in the hope they would magically resolve themselves? Have there been times when you have postponed a trip to the GP, which eventually became unavoidable? I know I certainly have! Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting we should run to the medical professionals at the first sign of discomfort. Not many of us have the time or money to allow us to do that, even if we wanted to. What I am hinting at, however, is that our bodies are probably smarter than we are. Pain is a sign that something is wrong. Dulling it and ignoring it, are not long term solutions.

Physical pain isn’t the only thing we are experts at compartmentalising. We often sweep psychological and emotional issues under the giant rug as well. We put up with shitty relationships, unfulfilling jobs, and even terrible friendships for far longer than we should. I know for me, the reason for this is usually stubborn pigheadedness. To walk away from something, even if it isn’t working, feels like admitting defeat. It makes me question myself “what is wrong with me?” “why can’t I fit in like everyone else?” This examination is so uncomfortable, it’s often easier to just ignore the elephant in the room.

The biggest example of this in my own life is probably my academic career. As a child, I was always told I was bright and clever. Destined for great things. It was pretty much preordained that I would go to University. So, I got in and off I went. The trouble was, when I got there, I absolutely hated it. I studied English, which is my first love, and absolutely enthralled me, but college life definitely was not for me. I didn’t fit in. I didn’t make friends. The ten or so contact hours a week, were far too few to keep me engaged. In short, I was completely miserable. Determined to be “successful” at it, I stuck it out. Three years later, I achieved my degree (which I have never “used”) By that time, I was also deeply depressed, and looking back on in now, I believe this time to be the root of my disordered relationship with food. But that’s a story I not quite ready to tell!

To this day, I strongly believe in the merits of follow through. It’s so important to do the things you say you’re going to do. I can’t stand flaky people and find them essentially impossible to deal with. A friend of mine once gave me the mantra “Decide, Commit, Succeed.” I think she borrowed if from some gimmicky exercise program, but I identified with the message. However, the older I get, and the more experience I have dealing with uncomfortable situations, the more I realise “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.” Walking away from something which no longer serves you, is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.

This philosophy of mine has been tested lately. I was offered a new job. The new role sounds exciting and challenging. It presents opportunity for growth and development, as well as stimulation. The trouble is, I am comfortable in my current job. It’s close to home. My gym is around the corner, which means I can train on my lunch break. The people are lovely and there’s no conflict. However, it doesn’t present the same opportunities. Should I sacrifice my current comfort for the sake of potential future growth? It was a really difficult decision. As is always the case with hard choices, there was no obvious “right” course of action. There was an opportunity cost associated with both options.

In the end, I decided to accept the new job. I am excited to get started and really looking forward to the challenge. Of course, there are a few other things going on!! Impostor syndrome is kicking in. My inner critic is shouting so loud, she is almost drowning out everything else. She is telling me I won’t be able for it, and who do I think I am to even try! She’s a bitch! There is also a tiny seed of doubt in the back of my mind. Questioning if I am doing the right thing. Wondering if I will live to regret my decision.

The thing is, it really doesn’t matter. I fully expect the new job to be awesome, but if it turns out to be a complete disaster, who cares? I am not entering into indentured servitude. If it’s not for me, I can go back to the drawing board and try again. We all have within us, the power to reinvent ourselves as often as we want or need to. I think it is really important that we make time to check in with ourselves on a regular enough basis. Ask yourself how everything is going. Is there any area of your life that needs to be changed, or even just given more attention? It is so easy to keep going through the motions and not even notice that there is a stone in your shoe. Be well xxx

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My Tribe, My Vibe!

February 20, 2018 Authentically Arwen

“Embrace your duality!” This was some very good advice I received at a workshop I attended recently. What the speaker meant by this, is that often we can have two seemingly opposite sides of us, which both need to be acknowledged at different times. So, for example you might be very confident and self assured in the work place, but shy and reserved in social situations. Neither of these is more valid than the other. In order to avoid conflict within ourselves, we need to acknowledge and accept all of our many facets. Easy, right? In theory, yes. In practice, not so much!

I have always been a fiercely independent person. I enjoy my own company and usually gravitate towards solo activities. Nothing makes me happier than curling up with a cup of tea and a good book. I love taking long walks with a Podcast and the pupper. I recognise that time spent alone and quiet is vitally important to allow me to restore and renew, especially at those times when it feels like everyone wants a piece of me! Even when I was a little girl, I would often retreat for hours. Infinitely more comfortable alone, or in small groups, than in the crowd.

A few years ago, I went through a rough time. I was starting out in my career, and in typical Arwen fashion, I was determined to do anything I could fast track it. I left a job, which was close to home, to work somewhere farther away, because I felt it was a step up. I saw it as a necessary evil. The country was deep into a recession and opportunities were few and far between. In making the change, I was also leaving behind so much familiarity. I was walking away from friends and colleagues I had been working with for years. I was leaving the little pond to go be a little fish in a much bigger one.

When I started the new job, it was immediately apparent that it might not have been the “right” decision. The commute was hellish and the workload was insane. It was nothing overly complicated, I was simply overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. It wasn’t long before I was skipping lunch and bringing work home with me in a vain attempt to catch up. I was in college at the time too and I honestly felt I was spending all my whole life working, studying or driving. I had no time to see friends or do any of the things I enjoy.

However, this wasn’t worst part of it. I am not afraid of hard work and I can usually gut out most difficult situations. The thing, which impacted me most negatively was the people. I DID NOT fit in. The girls I worked with were cliquey and unfriendly (think Mean Girls) I enjoy a gossip as much as the next girl, as long as it’s harmless. Theirs wasn’t. So, in order to avoid getting drawn in to the nastiness, I kept contact to a minimum. I would often go through an entire day without having a single conversation that wasn’t work related with anyone. It was awful.

I couldn’t understand why I was so upset by it. It wasn’t like I was looking for a new best friend. It took me a long time to understand what I was feeling. I was lonely. Desperately lonely. Even someone was happy in their own company as I am, needs some level of human interaction during the day. Going from 7am to 7pm each day without even a chat about what was on TV last night is extremely difficult. If you don’t believe me, try it for a few hours. I was totally isolated and felt like I had been sent to Siberia (think Erin Brockovich)

Thankfully, I wasn’t in that situation for too long. I changed jobs again and met a whole load of like minded people. I relished in the sense of camaraderie I had so sorely missed. I joined a Strength and Conditioning gym where I made a lot of great pals, and began feeling so much better. I was connected! I had found my tribe!

Since then, there have been so many changes in my life. New jobs, new gyms, new business ventures etc. There have been times during all of that when I have felt disconnected and alone. Feeling lonely is, at least for me, a difficult thing to recognise and an even more difficult thing to admit. Especially when it seems like I have no “reason” to feel that way. I am getting a little better and I have started to notice a things which trigger it.

I have experienced these feelings most acutely when a situation or dynamic changes. For instance, when I went from being one of the team to being a “manager.” This small change put a huge distance between myself and those reporting to me. Even the transition from Zumba student to Zumba instructor hasn’t been an easy one. It has set me apart from the rest of the tribe and I have found myself feeling like I am on the outside looking in!

Obviously these changes are a normal part of life and anyone who wants to forge ahead will probably experience these periods of loneliness. Times spent wondering where, if anywhere, you fit in. Times when you don’t feel part of a tribe at all. In these times, it’s important to remember than everything is transient. If you feel lonely and isolated now, remind yourself that you won’t feel like this forever. Try to reach out to those who know you best and draw them closer to you. It’s okay to say “I feel lonely.” It’s okay to admit that you are struggling and need help.

I try to avoid regret, but I do honestly wish I had done something, anything differently when I was in that awful job. I wish I hadn’t been afraid to let me friends know how much I needed them. I wish I hadn’t seen it as a failure to say “I don’t fit in.” It was many years later before I was able to tell anyone what I had been going through. Those Mean Girls were definitely not my tribe, and I now realise how lucky I was to have avoided being indoctrinated! Be well xxx

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Work to Live?

July 25, 2017 Authentically Arwen

The last few days, have been some of the most challenging of my professional life. Without going into too much detail (it’s a long and boring story) I was faced with huge disappointment. A promise, which had been made to me, was broken and I felt utterly bereft. In the hours and days which followed, I found myself questioning everything. Was it my fault somehow? Did I deserve to be treated this way, after all I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop! Was it “normal” to feel like this, or had I simply over invested in this opportunity? Had I put too much of my heart on the line?

You see, that’s the trouble with me. When I commit to something, I go all in. Whether I am crunching numbers, teaching a cookery class or coaching nutrition clients, I put my all into the work. In the words of the great Kahlil Gibran, “Work is love made visible.” I have always believed this, and so I take my work extremely personally.

A few months back, I had had a particularly arduous day. I had spent the day making a presentation to a nutrition group, and taking back to back appointments with one to one clients. The evening was spent teaching a cookery class. By the time I got home, my head was spinning and my body exhausted. Tired and wired, I collapsed into bed for what would prove to be a sleepless night. I remember talking to a good friend about it and saying “I wish I could do these things, without putting so much of myself in to it.” Of course, he and I both knew this was not the truth. I simply don’t have the ability to phone it in, or go through the motions. With me, it is all or nothing.

I received the disappointing news when I was parked in front of the gym. Immediately the tears began to flow. Like a tidal wave, there was no controlling it. I sat there, red faced and soggy, desperately trying to resist the urge to ask strangers for a hug. I was frantically texting everyone who knew about the situation, looking for comfort and advice. I am so thankful to everyone who was there for me in that moment. Most especially, I am grateful for the text which just said “go train.”

So, that is exactly what I did. I dried my eyes, kinda, and went and did a workout. I had no plan, and I would probably struggle to tell you what I actually did. I just kept doing rep after rep, set after set until the tears stopped threatening. By the time I was finished training, I was numb, depleted and really ready for a glass of wine! I spent a lot of time over the weekend reflecting, and comfort eating. I gave myself licence to lick my metaphorical wounds. My sister had suggested dipping cookie dough into peanut butter, while sitting in my “depressing gown,” but I thought that was a bridge too far!

As many of the great philosophers say, we are not judged by what happens to us in life, but by how we respond to it. My initial response, and one which I am still drawn to, was a desire to curl up in a little ball and cry about how unfair it all is. My secondary impulse was to say “screw them,” and adopt a work to rule policy. You know, do what is required of me, no more, no less and leave on time every night! The irony is, that enticing as these action plans are, neither of them would serve me very well.

I have decided instead to be the bigger man. I will continue to do my job as well as I am able, and conduct myself in a way I can be proud of. I realise that in a few months, this situation will not seem as big or as important as it does now. It might even turn out to be a blessing in disguise, who knows. Another important thing for me to try to remember, is that I am not a victim, powerless to withstand the corporate machine. I am not trapped. I have choices and that is extremely empowering. Even if my choice is to do nothing, to let the dust settle and the emotion die down before rushing to judgement, I am still doing that on my own terms.

Every one of us is unfortunately going to experience set backs in life. Whether they are career related or not. Being upset and disappointed by them is not a sign of weakness, it merely means you were invested and you trusted. Curve balls will be thrown at us in our relationships and with our health as well, and learning to adapt to them, without compromising yourself, is a difficult lesson indeed. As Rudyard Kipling counsels “If you can meet both triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same.” Events in life don’t happen to us, they just happen! It is up to us to decide whether to let them bolster us or break us.

As for me, I am very much in wait and see mode. A naturally emotive person, this is a struggle for me. However, if I act in haste, I am sure to repent at my leisure. Watch this space. Be well xxx